Well, all my good intentions of writing every day certainly went to pot didn't they? lol. You can probably tell that I never kept a diary as a child 
I have, however, been fairly busy in the thinking department. Its amazing when you sit here and re-read what you have put and start to see your own life in a totally different way. I wondered what advice I would give if it had been somebody else writing it.
So anyways. I've decided that I need to haul my butt into gear and start getting my life back. I'm not an overly outgoing person, I don't 'do' pubs and clubs and can honestly say I've not really missed them over the last few years - but I do, at the moment, feel lonely - and thats a horrible thing to feel. Especially when it is not my choice. I used to keep a Filofax on the kitchen worktop with appointments in it; coffee meets, nights out, hairdressers, kids parent evenings etc - I don't keep one now because I have nowhere to go. Oh don't get me wrong, I'm 'allowed' coffee once in a while with a couple of 'approved' friends but I get phone calls while I'm there asking how much longer it is before I'm back home (I wouldn't mind but he's at work while he's ringing me so its hardly like he's waiting for me!). I've missed heaven knows how many parents evenings and the like because he gets the cob and starts an argument. Nights out? I haven't been out, with a friend, or friends since he moved in. That's six years ago this October. 
How much of a 
soft walk-over have I bloody been to sit here and take it?!
I'm not putting time limits on anything because I think thats a bit cold - but! being in a social housing house we can exchange properties. We only moved in September but I hate the house, the place, the people; I've seen a beautiful older style house about 25 miles away along the coast (I don't want to move away from the sea). When I suggested it to him the comment I got was "you don't want me to see any of my bloody mates do you?". He has one mate that he works with, and then meets every night for a drink. One rule for one, one for the other me thinks.
I've decided that if he doesn't want to go I'm going to go on my own. The really sad part is, I think I want to go on my own. I want to be able to talk to my friends on the phone without them having to text first to check he's out, to be able to go and sit in a coffee shop and read a magazine just for the sheer hell of it, sit with the kids and do their homework without being accused of ignoring him, read them bedtime stories without him getting snotty that i've spent too long upstairs.
I want to start feeling alive again.
